


get your workout on

by phanetixs



Category: Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: Gen, Humor, Light Smut, M/M, Pining, dan looking too hot for his own good, fluff ah, gym coach AU, hazel just knows, lots of flirting, or me channeling my limited knowledge about gym equipment into a 2k fic, ya tuhan
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-04
Updated: 2016-11-04
Packaged: 2018-08-29 00:32:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,579
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8468929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phanetixs/pseuds/phanetixs
Summary: But, Phil thinks that maybe this all happens in his head because the man’s girlfriend is right next to him, and she doesn’t look as genuinely worked up about her boyfriend making orgasm noises, here, against the gym floor, as much as Phil Lester is.(Or, the story of reluctant fitness trainer Phil Lester and the hilarity of imagining Dan Howell voluntarily exercising for him.)





	

**Author's Note:**

> aka an extension of _when will phanetixs finally stop writing weird AUs_
> 
> special thanks to my buds ecstasin and alya for reading through snippets of this and reassuring me that "no, your writing is fine, you're just being neurotic", in not so many words. 
> 
> enjoy!

Let’s be completely honest; Phil Lester is not the fittest person on the universe. 

He binge-eats popcorn and Frosties, plops himself down on the sofa for a five-hour Buffy marathon once every week, and he has a standing record at prep school for being the _Most Likely To Skip PE_ from the 1990s. He has a Starbucks card with a thousand accumulated points (have you _seen_ how much sugar is in one caramel macchiato? Well, Phil _wouldn’t_ know) that he unashamedly uses. 

With all that said, how _exactly_ Phil Lester got a job at a local gym is beyond him, honestly. Was it his _impressive_ and genuine, toothy grin that got Mr Michaels to hire him? Or was it his mindfulness to wear a tight shirt to the interview, putting his sort of _okay-looking_ biceps on full display?

Or, was it the fact Mr Michaels was just _extremely_ desperate and would’ve hired anyone who wasn’t a hundred pounds overweight?

 _Ding ding ding,_ metaphorical Mario Kart sound effects go off in the distance.

Subsequently, there is the sound of Phil Lester groaning, having to pick up a dumbbell that has fallen flat on the ground (or was purposely abandoned there by Bodybuilder Mike after his 500th lift earlier in the day, that twat) and place it delicately back onto the shelf that Phil has so aptly named, _Fucking Heavy Shit._

Not that Phil is complaining about the job, not with _actual_ money rolling into his bank account every month, but would it hurt for Mr Michaels _not_ to put him on actual sporty duties? Phil’s just not built for prodding clients into doing _another ten sit-ups, come on, you can do it!_ without bursting out into tears when they do. Heck, he can't even lift the stupid weights off the floor.

But, it isn’t _so_ bad. There are other _perks_ to the job, so to speak.

Take today, for example.

As Phil was struggling with the baffling task of _servicing_ the treadmills in the establishment, he’d heard the loudest cackle from near the doorway. It’s a woman, he can tell, but then he swings around, and spots a tall, dark-haired man instead. And it’s surprising, but not entirely _disappointing_ , Phil thinks, when he sees the lanky guy (in _tight_  yoga pants!) step hesitantly into the premises.

In fact, Phil’s not disappointed at all, because he’s pretty sure he’s looking at some American GQ model from New York. The man has the softest skin (Phil doesn’t have to touch to know he _moisturises_ , oh lord) and when a slightly upturned smile that exposes a crevice in his cheek. He’s too absorbed in the man to notice a blonde woman (possibly the one he heard earlier) trail behind _Mr Vogue_ (maybe even pushing him forward?). 

He does see her a few moments later, though, and Phil’s bright smile droops a little, because of _course_ the gorgeous guy just _had_ to be completely heterosexual, and have a pretty, cheerleader-y girlfriend while he’s at it.

 _God_ , _I’m literally back in sixth form, this is ridiculous,_ Phil thinks, as he puts on his most professional smile (Mr Michaels would be proud, tbh) and approaches the couple.

He swears he sees the woman kick the guy in the shin.

“Hello, sir, madam, welcome to Full Fitness,” he says then, alternating his weight between his two feet like he has the tendency of doing when he’s nervous.

The man stares at him, caramel eyes wide. _That’s odd? Did he not understand me?_

Phil takes the beat.

“Ho-o-lá, my nam-a et Phil Le-s-ter,” he says hesitantly, spelling out the syllables carefully because they’re just a tan attractive Spanish couple from _Ibiza_ , Phil deduces _._ And they probably spend their weekends hanging out with the _Kardashians,_ sipping margaritas by the beach or something, his brain miserably supplies.

Except, Phil doesn’t get the lowkey seductive _si, Señor_ that he was expecting. Instead, the two look at each other, mirth decorating their features.

“ _Mate,”_ Hot Model says, complete with his very _real_ British accent, like he’s lived in London all his life, and Phil instantly wants to crawl into the _Fucking Heavy Shit_ shelf and let dumbbells pummel him to death. At least he can die happy after bearing witness to the man’s fucking great smile.

_Girlfriend, Phil._

Phil clears his throat. “ _Right,_ joke! _Hah_ got you there?” he says, tries to salvage the situation. He even does the weird hand snap thing like they’ve been transported back to 2011. The man watches on, bemused, and the woman looks at him a little strangely (understandable, really). 

“Hi, Mr Lester,” - the woman, perfectly-makeup-ed girlfriend, says- “I’m Hazel and me and Dan-“ _fuck pretty boy has a prettier name,_ “-want to um, train er, in this _great_ place.”

Phil sort of stares. He wants to say, _but you guys are fucking hot_ whilst pointedly avoiding eye contact with the person he’s actually directing it to. He shakes himself. Admittedly, any money _is_ good money, and the new Zelda game is out in T-minus 2 weeks, Phil consciously reminds himself. So, he says instead, “What can I do for you?”

_Did that come out overtly sexual? Oh god, why is Dan’s face pink? Oh shit, he’s saying something, fuckkk._

“-yeah, the um, generic workouts, like those _sit-ins_?”

“You mean, sit-ups?”

Dan goes redder. “Sure, _that,_ er _,_ and is there any chance _you’d_ be free to train us? Like a free trial today?” he asks and he looks more nervous than Phil in this present moment. Which makes Phil want to like wrap him in his checkered duvet back at home and feed him some brownies; if that isn’t _creepy_ or anything.

Phil looks around comically and jokes, “Well I’m sort of swamped with the _zero_ customers currently.” Dan and Hazel both chuckle a bit at that and Dan looks more relaxed, Phil thinks- _mission completed._

“But, ah, sure, we can start with some _easy_ exercises?” he says, directs them to the exercise mats on the ground and sort of looks at the pair of them expectantly.

“What?” Hazel’s eyebrows pop upwards, her Irish accent thick.

“We’ll start with some push-ups? Just to gauge your upper body strength-“ _and also give me a chance to secretly ogle Handsome Guy’s biceps muahahaha._ “Nothing too difficult, don’t worry!” he reassures them and they both reluctantly get on all fours. 

He swears she mutters _this is your fault, you cocksucker,_ at Dan and swiftly shoves him, revels in how Dan flails around adorably. Not the most romantic, _domestic_ thing that exists, but Dan laughs all the same. Phil’s heart breaks a tiny bit more.

“Um, guys?-“ Phil’s voice cracks. “Right, uh, so, start with ten?”

They stare at Phil pathetically.

“Okay, _five,_ ” he finally says, trapped by the pair of syrup brown eyes staring him down- that are _still_ looking intently at him, eyes trailing downwards.

Phil coughs, effectively breaking eye-contact. “ _One!_ ” 

Hazel goes down first, struggles with the actual _push upwards._ She looks strained, sweat already beading down her temples, which is odd because _don’t models workout normally_? 

Dan isn’t doing any better. And to make things worse, he’s moaning all over the place, tiny gasps escaping his lips with the strenuous movements. Sweat patches glitter the back of Dan’s shirt and it clings to his frame deliciously.

But, Phil thinks that maybe this _all_ happens in his head because the man’s _girlfriend_ is right next to him, and she doesn’t look as genuinely _worked up_ about her boyfriend making orgasm noises, here, against the floor, as much as Phil Lester is.

_God, what has he gotten himself into?_

Phil’s sure there’s a hard-on already straining in his pants, but the loose sweatpants make it easier to hide- _thankfully_. But maybe his heavy breathing is more than apparent, because Hazel looks at him, darts her eyes between the two men and smirks a little.

He wants to hide behind the curtains forever.

Except, he doesn’t get round to doing it because she’s suddenly getting up, rifling through her Prada purse and glancing at the time. “Oh, sorry, my dudes, got to  _dash_ ,” she says, not seeming in a rush at all, and then she’s whispering something into Dan’s ear that has his cheeks as pink as cotton candy. 

 _Wait till we’re back home_ , _I’ll give you a real workout_ , he can virtually imagine her saying and then he has to look away abruptly in disappointment. He doesn’t see Hazel saunter out of the building, a sly smirk on her face. 

“Mr Lester- uh, _Phil_?” Dan says, shaking him out of his reverie. He turns to see a worried-looking Dan facing him. “Not sick of me yet, are you?” 

Phil’s honest. “Not a chance.” _Especially not with a face like that._

“Great, er, shall we proceed?”

They make small talk whilst Phil tortures Dan with weight training (“holy _fuck,_ Phil, how do you do this?” “When you figure it out, let me know.”), pushes him to the cross-trainers and purposefully stands behind him to catch some Dan butt-moving action. 

And he has a _nice_ ass (which Phil can now appreciate more that the girlfriend is out of the way).

“Phil?” He isn’t aware that Dan has turned around, Phil swiftly looking up, his eye level no longer where Dan’s marvellous behind was barely ten seconds earlier.

“You okay there, mate?” Dan teases and Phil goes completely red, he’s sure. 

“Yeah,” he croaks. Dan looks unsure, slightly hesitant as he jumps off the machine (in a surprising display of agility) and places one hand on Phil’s shoulder. His palm feels warm through the thin cotton of Phil’s gym shirt and Phil can’t look Dan in the eyes because it’d make him _want_ something he _can’t_ have.

“Can I be completely honest? I feel like we might be on that level, seeing as you’ve seen me sweat through at least two t-shirts at this point-“

“Yeah, _anything_ ,” Phil says because Dan has him wrapped around his little pinky already. Part of him doesn’t want to know, doesn’t want Dan to get personally attached, _stay,_ because having him train with Phil, getting him moaning unashamedly for a reason other than sex _,_ would be a level of _hell_ that poor Phil Lester doesn’t deserve.

But, Dan leans in slightly, and all the thoughts disappear. “I love Maltesers,” he says quietly, looking serious despite the joke he just made. 

(He’s heard this a million times before. The, _I used to love pizza but now, Phil, I’m a changed woman_ , 360-lifestyle change through Phil’s _obviously_ great training skills. It always gets him slightly heart-warmed at how much a healthy lifestyle is able to alter someone’s life. And him being the _medium_ (albeit a wonky and definitely questionable platform) to help them experience it? Unreal.)

Phil laughs a little, looks down.

“No-“ Dan shakes his head, damp fringe flopping- “I love Maltesers and yet I still came here anyway,” he explains. And Phil feels this twinge of hope in his chest that threatens to bloom at the fond look he receives. Still, Phil is extremely confused.

“Okay?”

“I work across the road, at the library-“ _What? How has he not seen this man before?_ “- and well, I see you, day after day, um, training, and well-“ Dan goes, sort of scratching the back of his neck in an endearing sort of way. 

“You’re pretty and, uh, gorgeous-looking, which I realise now is redundant but apparently I can’t take that back, and I've hated any form of exercise since prep school,  _but_ -“ he says and Phil laughs because he can’t believe _this_ is happening? What are the actual odds of a beautiful man chasing Philip Michael Lester, who hasn't had a date since _slightly-serial-killerish_ Mindy from three years ago.

But, Phil regains his bearings, two-timing is a _bitch_ and Phil would not want any part in that, no matter how gorgeous an evening with this man could potentially be. 

“Listen, Dan-“ Dan’s face drops immediately, if that is possible. “I like you too, like a ridiculous amount, but your girlfriend is _really_ nice and she’d make way cuter babies with you, not that biologically we’d be able to even  _make_ babies, but, you’d have the Evan Peters of babies and the two of us, we’d just have cute _Slenderman_ -looking ones, which isn’t-“ Phil stammers. 

Dan’s fond smile does a 180, confusion now a large feature in _his_ expression, and Phil can see practically see his mind whirring in thought. Dan asks, after a beat, “Girlfriend, huh, haven’t had _that_ in a while,” with a bemused tone. Phil tries not to stare at him for too long.

“ _Oh-_ “ Phil exhales in a whoosh, takes a step backwards.

“Yeah?” Dan comes closer. Phil feels a return in the tightness in his pants.

“She’s-”

“Just a _friend_ \- who dragged me in here to flirt with the man I’ve fancied for _months_.” Dan says, has the audacity to _wink_.

Phil’s never heard something that good come out from a man’s mouth ( _warning: innuendo overload,_ Phil’s mind beeps) in ages. Then, he realises, they’re sort of edging towards the back janitor’s closet, alternatively known as Phil’s _hide from angry boss_ fort _._ Today, if all goes well, it’ll be used for something incredibly different.

“ _Bless_ her,” Phil replies, his hand reaching for the knob, eyes darting around to check if Mr Michaels was back from break yet. _No screams about dusty dumbbells can be heard_ , so Phil will take that as an affirmative. 

Phil knows he can afford to have some _fun_ here. With an actual man, that has an _actual_ crush on him. What has the world gone to?

Again, he’s _not_ complaining because Dan has a cheeky look on his face. Smirking, he takes Phil by the collar and whispers tantalisingly slowly, “You’re _such_ a tease.” Phil has this insane urge to mediocrely flirt back, because all the blood is rushing _downstairs_ and he can’t think straight.

“Wouldn’t you like to know?” Which doesn’t quite make sense but then Dan is pushing him into the closet, swiftly locks the door. He feels the sexual tension hang thick in the air surrounding them.

“Mmm, well, you _are_ my trainer after all, Phil Lester, let’s get a bit more  _personal_ ,” Dan breathes into his neck and makes the tiny hairs stand, on high alert. Phil is so _hard_ that it’s beginning to physically hurt and he cannot understand how beautiful one can look under the dim lighting of the cleaning closet (not that he’s actually had anyone here before, _ohmygod_ ).

The last part he says out loud and Dan takes it as confirmation enough to suck dark hickies into Phil’s pale skin- that will _definitely_ be a pain to hide later. He teases, nips along the soft skin of your jaw, which is enough for Phil to go absolutely mental. 

(“You’re the most beautiful man I’ve ever seen in my life but if you don’t fuck me in the next minute, I will _bloody_ eviscerate you.” “I share the sentiment, _sir_.”) 

It doesn’t take long for them both to start taking turns attacking the other’s body parts, finding their ticks, ends with them unraveling, submitting themselves into the throes of passion, loud and long. Twice.

At some point Mr Michaels does come back and is sorely greeted by some muffled moans, silenced grunts of pleasure. But Dan technically _is_ getting the best workout of his life and Phil thinks, _job well done._

 

**Author's Note:**

> [say hi ](phanetixs.tumblr.com)and tell me what you think (feel free to shout at me for chickening out of real smut yet again ha ha ha) + kudos and comments are also very much appreciated! hope you have a great day :)


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